Pick-Up and Go

To this day, I truly cannot recall the incident without cringing. I was a freshman at college and school had just started. I was in the library frenetically cramming a paper due in the next hour when a guy I recognized from my Philosophy class casually slipped into the cubicle next to mine. We were never formally introduced before then, so I did not say anything. He threw me a friendly smile and so I simply smiled back. Just as I was about to resume work on my essay, he confidently proclaimed: “Your father must be a thief.” Taken aback, I muttered: "Huh?” He gazed straight at me and declared in all seriousness: “He stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.” I almost choked. Before I could run for cover, he brazenly continued: “And you must be a thief too….because you stole my heart.” Holy jeepers! I actually felt my insides squirm. Was he for real??? I hurriedly stuffed my unfinished paper in my bag and hightailed it out of there.

Eventually, the guy became a friend. But, of course, he still has not heard the end of it from me regarding that singularly unforgettable library encounter. In fact, in honor of and inspired by such awesome boldness, I have compiled a list of the cheesiest, most groan-inducing pick-up lines I have ever come across.

Men, use at your own risk. Women, do not bother to take the risk….RUN!

Here it goes:

Can I borrow fifty cents? I told my mother I would call her when I fell in love with the girl of my dreams.

Do you have a map? I just keep getting lost in your eyes.

Excuse me, but I think I dropped something…MY JAW!

Someone call the police because it’s gotta be illegal to look that good!

Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?

Hershey’s makes millions of kisses a day.... all I'm asking for is one.

How was heaven when you left it?

I didn’t know that angels could fly so low.

What time do you have to be back in heaven?

Can I see the tag on your shirt? I want to see if it says made in heaven.

Would you touch me please so I can tell my friends that I've been touched by an angel?

Remind me to tell God congratulations. He finally got it right.

I play the field, and it looks like I just hit a home run with you.

Do you need a light? Because I think I’ve found the perfect match.

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.

If you were a tear in my eye, I would not cry for fear of losing you.

Is there an airport nearby or is that just my heart taking off?

You know, you might be asked to leave this place soon. You’re making the other women look really bad.

Your name must be Mickey because you’re so fine.

You’re pretty good-looking. Any chance you have a personality?

Is your father an alien? Because there's nothing else like you on earth.

Is your dad a baker? Because you've got a nice set of buns!

Is your father a farmer? Because you sure have great melons!

Your parents must be beavers…because DAM!

Your legs must be tired…because you've been running through my mind all night.

I lost my phone number. Could I borrow yours?

Excuse me, could you give me directions to your heart?

Is your dad a terrorist? Because you're the bomb!

You must be a broom...because you just swept me off my feet.

You must be a ticket...because you have fine written all over you.

You're like a dictionary...you add meaning to my life.

Are you religious? Because you are the answer to all my prayers.

Do you have a band-aid? Because I just scraped my knee falling for you.

Well, here I am. What were your other two wishes?

Mind if I call you Destiny?

I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your bed rock.

I like that shirt. Is it felt? No. Would you like it to be?

Do you work for UPS? I could have sworn I saw you checking out my package.

If I told you that you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?

You have really beautiful legs. What time do they open?

That dress looks really nice on you. But how can I talk you out of it?

You’ve been a bad girl.…go to my room!

I’ve heard that sex is a killer. Do you want to die happy?

Stand still so I can pick you up.

Pardon me, but what pick up line works best with you?

Do you mind if I end this sentence in a proposition?

Valentine's In June

I’ll let you in on a dirty little secret. At times, I can be pathetically, embarrassingly schmaltzy. This ignominious trait manifests itself by the fact that I love watching sappy romantic movies over and over again (to my husband’s consternation). Mostly, it is the lines that get me. Ingeniously written and marvelously uttered prose teeming with unadulterated feeling that grab me in the gut and silently simmer within, only to pop up unexpectedly every now and then when I encounter a life situation in which their truth brilliantly applies (see previous blog entry entitled “Friendship on Fire” for reference).

To the mush-averse, be forewarned! This is not for the weak of heart. Literally.

Here are some of my all-time favorite cinematic dialogues that speak – nay, shriek – of love, so much so that we might all feel a spark of Valentine’s this dreary month of June:

The Accidental Tourist

I'm beginning to think that maybe it's not just how much you love someone. Maybe what matters is who you are when you're with them.

Fools Rush In

You are what I never knew I always wanted.

Captain Corelli's Mandolin

When you fall in love, it is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake, and then it subsides. And when it subsides, you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots are become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are.

Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.

Crazy/Beautiful

You can be anywhere when your life begins. You meet the right person and anything is possible.

Good Will Hunting

Sometimes I wish I had never met you. Because then I could go to sleep at night not knowing there was someone like you out there.

Hope Floats

Dancing is just a conversation between two people. Talk to me.

Shakespeare In Love

I will have poetry in my life. And adventure. And love. Love above all. No...not the artful postures of love, not playful and poetical games of love for the amusement of an evening. but love that...overthrows life. Unbiddable, ungovernable, like a riot in the heart, and nothing to be done, come ruin or rapture.

A Walk In The Clouds

Newlyweds. What else do they do but make love and war?

Sixteen Candles

That's why they call them crushes. If they were easy, they'd call them something else.

When Harry Met Sally

I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.

Alex & Emma

Some things are not meant to last, they just take a place in your heart and make you smarter the next time.

A Beautiful Mind

Perhaps it is good to have a beautiful mind, but an even greater gift is to discover a beautiful heart.

The Notebook

I am nothing special; just a common man with common thoughts, and I've led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me, and my name will soon be forgotten. But in one respect I have succeeded as gloriously as anyone who's ever lived: I've loved another with all my heart and soul and to me, this has always been enough.

The Wedding Date

I think I'd miss you even if I never met you.

I would rather fight with you than make love to anyone else.

Forces of Nature

Marriage has less beauty but more safety than a single life; it’s full of sorrows and full of joys. It lies under more burdens, but it is supported by all the strengths of love, and those burdens are delightful.

I always thought that there was this one perfect person for everybody in the world, you know, and when you found that person the rest of the world kind of magically faded away, and, you know, the two of you would just be inside this kind of protective bubble, but there is no bubble, I mean if there is you have to make it, I just think life is more than a series of moments, you know, we can make choices, and we can choose to protect the people we love, and that's what makes us who we are and those are the real memories.

Paycheck

Some of the best things in life are total mistakes.

Someone Like You

There is nothing sadder in this life than to watch someone you love walk away after they have left you. To watch the distance between your two bodies expand until there is nothing left but empty space... and silence.

The Cooler

You look in the mirror and you don't like what you see? Don't believe it. Look into my eyes; I'm the only mirror you'll ever need.

Shall We Dance?

We need a witness to our lives. There's a billion people on the planet..... I mean, what does any one life mean? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything. The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things..... all of it, all the time, every day. You're saying “Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go unwitnessed because I will be your witness.”

A Walk To Remember

What is a friend? A friend is two people sharing one soul.

Indecent Proposal

The things that people in love do to each other they remember, and if they stay together it's not because they forget, it's because they forgive.

Steel Magnolias

I would rather have three minutes of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special.

Love Actually

Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinion's starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don't see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often it's not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it's always there - fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge - they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I've got a sneaky feeling you'll find that love actually is all around.

Awwwwwww. And with that, our Valentine's in June must come to THE END.

Yaya-Free Two Weeks

People have been asking why I haven’t been blogging lately. My million-dollar answer: Yaya went on vacation.

For quite a while, the same song lyrics tauntingly played over and over in my head like a broken record: “You don’t know what you’ve got ‘til it’s gone…”

Maybe it wouldn’t have been so bad if our tot was not a constantly overly wired blazing bundle of impish energy. But he is. And maybe it wouldn’t have been so bad if our yaya was not so super that she effortlessly manages to keep our apartment spic and span while keeping our baby Olympian out of trouble 24/7. But she is.

It was thus inevitable that our domestic affairs be reduced to a state of ARRRRRRRGH! after our valued help escaped to her provincial hometown. For two seemingly endless weeks, my husband and I became reluctant anti-socials as we took turns striving to maintain the presentability of our home while valiantly trying to protect our darling boy-on-the-go from mishap.

This proved to be a Herculean challenge, considering that our son’s favorite top ten activities include: (1) playing with electrical plugs and sockets, (2) throwing anything he can think of into the bathtub and toilet bowl, (3) boldly walking and crawling beneath and into any dark space he can find to start a game of hide-and-seek, (4) hurling objects across the room to see how far they can go (although, according to his father, the kid can throw and may just have a bright athletic future ahead), (5) putting everything that can fit into his mouth, (6) repeatedly turning the TV, DVD player and electric fan on and off, (7) affectionately (albeit a tad ferociously) slapping people on the face when he is happy to see them, (8) manically swiping at all items on tables/shelves/desks within his reach and gleefully watching them fall to the floor, (9) enthusiastically pulling clothes and shoes out of open closets, and (10) wildly jumping up and down the very precarious sides of our bed.

My husband and I became more stressed than we cared to admit. Anyone who dared visit us during this chaotic nanny-free period suddenly became an on-the-spot assistant babysitter (thanks for bravely assisting me in that nasty diaper change, Jennigirl!). My mother suddenly became a precious ally as she sent contingent troops plucked from her own household team to lend a helping hand when most needed. Elmo and Barney became my heroes as their videos kept our little eager beaver beautifully preoccupied for at least fifteen minutes at a time.

I kept wondering how other mothers with lots of children coped. I also thought of the people I knew who successfully raised their children without the aid of nannies. They deserve a crown. They really do.

We were literally counting down the hours to yaya’s return. On her scheduled day of arrival, we ourselves drove to the domestic airport to pick her up. Upon seeing her, I had to restrain the overpowering urge to hug her with relief. When yaya climbed into our vehicle, she immediately hugged our baby and said how much she missed him. She then proceeded to hand us bags of assorted pasalubongs she thoughtfully got us from Davao. Awwwwww. Didn’t I tell you she was super?

At last, things are now back to normal at the home front. That is, until yaya’s next vacation!

Some Kind of Wonderful Crap

Ever have one of those days when you just feel so utterly, unbelievably, inexplicably crappy? When you just want to shut out the entire world and bury yourself in bed the whole day to bemoan your sordid state of being?

Yesterday was that kind of day for me. Maybe my period had something to do with it or the maddeningly cloying summer heat I woke up to, or both. Whatever the cause, the effect was impossible to ignore as it sickeningly pervaded and depressed my total sense of self. I felt downright icky, ugly, moronic, ancient, and elephantastically fat.

My husband was in a photo shoot on location for most of the day so I was left at home with our one-year old son. It did not help that our baby has now become more hyper than the Energizer Bunny and more mischievous than Dennis the Menace, demanding man-to-man guarding and undivided attention. By the time the little imp finally napped, I was exhausted.

I tried to finish some work for our studio but my head wasn’t in it so I gave up. I started reading a book but the story did not enthrall enough to keep me turning the pages. I went back and forth the gazillion TV channels; remarkably, nothing interesting was on. I thought of going to the salon to get my hair styled and my nails done, but I felt too lethargic to bother going out. I ended up staring morosely at the mirror, lamenting the lost fabulous splendor of my youth.

I could not wait for the horridly dismal day to end.

I was somewhat relieved when evening fell and the blackened sky complemented my dark mood. Upon returning, my husband must have noticed my foul disposition because he wisely let me be and mostly kept out of the way.

As we finally got to bed, I found myself tossing and turning about, desperately hoping to sink into a deep peaceful slumber. Suddenly, without warning, my husband turned to me and looked straight into my eyes. He soothingly stroked my hair and very gently caressed the side of my face. He then smiled at me with utmost tenderness and whispered: “Hey beautiful, I love you.”

I could not help but smile back. Tears instantly sprung to my eyes as mixed emotions of overwhelming gratitude, joy and love seared inside me. I felt all the negative energies I was harboring throughout the day dissipate and melt into nothingness. I thankfully succumbed to my husband’s warm embrace and stayed comfortably ensconced in his arms until I at last fell into a blissful, undisturbed sleep.

Wouldn’t you know it? My crappy day still managed to end up to be some kind of wonderful.

Name That Pinoy!

After all that international name-calling in my previous blog entry, I think it is time to get more nationalistic and stay close to home.

Here are some of the most uniquely named Pinoy folk roaming amongst us:

Andy Williams Ling
Willard Mosquito
Belma Santos
Jefferson Palpal-Latoc
Merry Christmas Aguinaldo
Edgar Wave Alon
Simplicia Incognito
Albino Kaw
Led Zeppelin Tuyay
Solomon King
Myra “Pebbles” Cabato Batumalaki
Great Mabuti
Zwinlie Inzon
Socrates Apollo Butiktik
Sahara Desierto
Wealthie Kho
Jane Panti
Lispeth Intia
Bruce Springsteen Tuyay
Jinrikisha Remiriser Diwa
Edwin Mataba
Peter Pan
Leopoldo Bolabola
Circumcision Cruz
Bruel Jalandoni
Lyonil Chadwick Isip
Queenabelly Ngo
Lito Baduy
Steely Dan Tuyay
Forever Inumaru
Saklolo Santiago
Lhuchielyn Javelosa
Jubben Icawat
Sir Winston Buan
Marlo Moron
Tabitha Jurisprudencia
Christina Lao-Lao
Jovenith Lalamonan
Weedy Tan
Redeemer Ibong
Johnnyfer Martin
Mick Jagger Tuyay
Nimfa Matabang
Joser Hegor Juson
Yollyvie Marinduque
Predeswinda Idea
Leticia Malabayabas

Take note that all of the above-stated appellations are real and belong to live human beings.

Mabuhay ang Pinoy!

Aren't You Glad Your Name Isn't Dweezil?

Famous celebrities sure know how to concoct the most bizarre names for their offspring. I thought it would be quite entertaining to compile a list of outlandish monikers for you to gasp over.

Are you ready for this:

Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily – daughter of Michael Hutchence (INXS) & Paula Yates
Dandelion – daughter of Keith Richards (Rolling Stones)
Phinnaeus Walter – son of Julia Roberts & Daniel Moder
Tu – daughter of Rob Morrow (yes, she’s called Tu Morrow!)
Apple – daughter of Chris Martin (Coldplay) & Gwyneth Paltrow
Moses – son of Chris Martin (Coldplay) & Gwyneth Paltrow
Sage Moonblood – son of Sylvester Stallone
Moon Unit – daughter of Frank & Gail Zappa
Dweezil – son of Frank & Gail Zappa
Ahmed Emuukha Rodan – son of Frank & Gail Zappa
Diva Muffin - daughter of Frank & Gail Zappa
Pilot Inspektor – son of Jason Lee & Beth Riesgraf
Jermajesty – son of Jermaine Jackson
Duncan Zowie Heywood Jones – son of David Bowie
Elijah Bob Patricius Guggi Q – son of Bono (U2)
Memphis Eve – daughter of Bono (U2)
Chastity Sun – daughter of Sonny & Cher
Chorde – child of Snoop Doggy Dog
Rumer Glenn – daughter of Demi Moore & Bruce Willis
Geronimo – son of Alex James (Blur)
Rufus Tiger – son of Roger Taylor (Queen)
Fifi Trixabelle – daughter of Bob Geldof & Paula Yates
Peaches Honeyblossom Michelle Charlotte Angel Vanessa – daughter of Bob Geldof & Paula Yates
Kal-el – son of Nicolas Cage
Fuschia – daughter of Sting
Speck Wildhorse – son of John Cougar Mellencamp
Denim – son of Toni Braxton & Keri Lewis
Deizel Ky – son of Toni Braxton & Keri Lewis
Audio Science – son of Shannyn Sossamon & Dallas Clayton
Sailor Lee – daughter of Christie Brinkley & Peter Cook
Satchel – daughter of Mia Farrow & Woody Allen
Misty Kyd – daughter of Sharleen Spiteri (Texas)
Hopper Jack – son of Sean Penn & Robin Wright
Moxie Crimefighter – daughter of Penn Jilette & Emily Zolten
Beauregard – son of Mick Jagger & Jerry Hall
Homer Jigme – son of Richard Gere & Carey Lowell

And you thought it would be cool to have Bono for a daddy!

Fellow parents, please be kinder to your children.

Childproof!

Try clicking on the word “childproofing” on your search engine and you will receive a kilometric list of links teeming with all sorts of precautionary measures you should take to ensure that your toddler is safe in your home.

Secure your stairs with baby gates to avoid nasty falls! Buy adhesive mount cabinet latches to block access to harmful objects! Use toilet locks to keep your child from touching the germ-filled toilet water! Unplug electrical appliances when not in use!

Indeed, the security recommendations for keeping your place safe for baby are endless and more than sufficient to drive the meek of heart to the brink of parental paranoia.

However, I noticed that what the purported safety experts fail to offer is much-needed advice regarding the opposite side of the coin. Specifically: what must be done to proof the house from baby?

For, as most desperate folk with a mischievous imp in their midst know only too well, a tiny toddler can wreak huge havoc in any peaceful dwelling. I thus took it upon myself to draw up a list of things that could help protect the familial abode from infant destruction.

Daddies and mommies, follow these at your own discretion:

o Remove all objects within reach of your octopus baby, the operative word here being all. Keep in mind that anything that can be grabbed will be grabbed and dropped to the ground to test the forces of gravity. (Important note: The higher the cost price of the item on display, the more chances of being singled out for grabbing.)

o Buy a bed with a warranty so you can replace it when your junior acrobat has worn it down it by jumping on it way too many times. Better yet, save yourself the trouble and buy your family a sleeping bag.

o Do not bother with wallpaper. Instead, have a fresh bucket of paint on hand so you can readily repaint the walls every time your young Picasso doodles wildly on them.

o Wrap your cellular phone in thick foam. Your mobile may not look as chic, but at least you can rest assured it will not crash into smithereens after being hurled across the room by your little Hercules.

o The above also applies to the remote control.

o Stack up on empty boxes and old wrapping paper. Bring them out whenever you need to keep your toddler preoccupied for a few minutes. Forget toys – they don’t work.

o Speaking of toys, save your money and refrain from buying toy tv sets, toy stereos, toy tool kits, toy telephones and the like. They don’t fool anyone. Your wise offspring will still prefer to play with the real things.

o Tape your favorite novels shut. Either that or be prepared to watch your baby Einstein open your precious books and gleefully rip the pages one by one.

o You can now sell your lawnmower. All you need to do is set your kid loose in the garden and you will have patches of grass (and flowers) plucked out by eager diminutive fingers in no time.

o Buy hundreds of rubber placemats and stick them together until they make up one big piece that can cover your entire kitchen. This is the only way to ensure that your kitchen remains immaculately clean after feeding your rowdy baby.

o The above also applies to your bathroom. Simply substitute placemats with towels.

o Stash all medicines in a locked cabinet – except your baby’s medicines. Those you can leave within easy reach because no matter what you do, children just hate, hate, hate taking their medicine.

o Experts warn that we must unplug electrical appliances when not in use. In truth, kids actually unplug all electrical appliances that are in use. So really, you can just leave everything on. Your troublesome tot will automatically switch everything off by eagerly pulling the plugs.

o Never shut the door. There is nothing like a closed door to turn your small angel into a wailing, shrieking, kicking, pounding banshee.

o Learn to stop saying no. The more you say no, the more stubbornness will ensue. For unruly rugrats, “no” easily translates to “do it some more…fast…before I get caught!” Be smart and improvise accordingly. Try holding your tongue and letting them do whatever they want to do until they get tired of it.

If you have similar tips in mind, do share them. We the hapless have no option but to stick together and learn from each other in order to survive the topsy-turvy planet of parenthood.

Now, please excuse me while I pad our kitchen with placemats. Our one year-old bundle of crazy energy is getting ready for lunch.

Baby Waiting

All you married women out there who have been waiting some time to get pregnant, listen up.

I can empathize with you. I’ve been in that boat and I know it is not a painless place to be marooned in.

My husband and I were married for more than three years before finally getting pregnant with our Niccolo. Before that, we experienced so many false alarms and dashed hopes that we got very fed up!

Let me tell you something. I got pregnant when it was the furthest thing from our minds. I know people always say it and it is hard NOT to do but you really just have to make yourself stop thinking about it so much. It happened to us when we least expected it and when we finally decided in our hearts to leave it all up to God to bless us in His own time.

It is not wrong to keep yourself busy while waiting, but be busy doing something you like. I was still working when I got pregnant and only resigned right before giving birth so I could take care of our baby full-time. Try not to let yourself be pressured by your parents, your in-laws and others who seek to impose what they want on you. I know how maddening it can be when people keep asking if you are pregnant and what you are doing about it if you aren't. It does NOT help at all. As much as possible, do not allow them get to you because it will adversely affect you more than you realize. As long as you and your husband are at peace with each other and your situation, you are on the right track.

After our OB-GYN ran tests and confirmed that there was nothing physically wrong with my husband and me, she asked if we wanted to start on a fertility program to try to speed things up. My husband and I thought about it long and hard and finally decided it would just stress us out to go on fertility treatments. We thus jointly resolved to simply leave it be and let nature take its course. At ease with our mutual agreement, we went on simply enjoying our marriage as best we could. We lived easy and prayed hard. And just like that, a year after our first doctor’s visit, the much-awaited happened. We found out that I was finally and positively pregnant.

The key is to relax and take each day as it comes. Don't allow yourself to be pressured by what others want for you. Never give in to bitterness or despair, for there is still so much beauty and joy in life waiting to unfold before you. Keep yourself open to miracles.

Be grateful for what you have today. Savor your marriage as it is now with your husband. Deepen your marital ties by communicating closely with each other and supporting the decisions you have come to agree on. You will be wonderfully surprised at how much stronger your bond will be once you commit to being each other’s staunchest ally throughout.

Most importantly, be patient. Seize the time to immerse yourself in prayer and get closer to God so that you will better understand and come to graciously accept His will for you.

Then, you will see. The blessings will just flow….and you will realize that all the waiting will be absolutely worth it.

40 Things

Here are 40 random things you (probably) don't know about me:

1. When I smile, I have at least five dimples.

2. I admit I can be a bit of a tease.

3. My first love was also my first heartbreak.

4. I cannot help but ask WHY all the time. And I cannot help but admire the people who can answer my questions.

5. When I was two years old, I came out on the cover of Panorama as the New Year Baby sitting atop a piano in nothing but a panty, a sash and a party hat. My parents bought 100 copies of that issue and gave it to everyone they knew. (No, I am not showing you the magazine even if you paid me.)

6. I weep unabashedly at sad movies.

7. I find it easier to make friends with men than women.

8. I am very good at solving crosswords.

9. My husband believes I am a drama queen. And I believe he is right.

10. I am inherently shy. (Please stop snickering.) I really am. I just make an effort to overcome it.

11. My most fervent prayers almost always come true and this makes me feel extremely blessed.

12. I am a chocolate fiend.

13. The first time I got drunk, I ended up in the emergency room of a hospital!

14. I laugh even when I want to cry.

15. For some reason I cannot fathom, people always say I look familiar the first time I meet them.

16. Once, when I was eighteen, a guy suddenly got out of his yellow Volkswagen and approached the car where I was sitting with the window open. He said he just had to tell me I was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen in his life. All I could muster in reply was: Thank you! To this day, I recall the incident whenever I glimpse a yellow Volkswagen on the road.

17. I am ridiculously competitive.

18. I am so happy and content with whom I chose to marry.

19. Gays like being around me. And I don’t mind at all.

20. I wish I were better at verbalizing my strongest feelings.

21. I think vegetarianism is best suited for rabbits.

22. I do not and will not ever regret giving up my own career to work on becoming a better mother.

23. I feel incomplete when my nails aren’t done.

24. I am a closet nerd.

25. My family means the world to me.

26. I memorize the lyrics of all my favorite songs.

27. I have not outgrown my not-so-hidden desire for Richard Gomez.

28. I am fiercely opinionated but I strive not to impose my beliefs on others.

29. I am so relieved my firstborn turned out to be a boy. I suspect that raising a daughter will be a much more complicated task.

30. Back in college, I saw this cute guy at a party. I was so enthralled by him that when I got home, I immediately wrote a poem inspired by him entitled “Beginnings.” Nine years later, that same poem was printed on the CDs of love songs that were given as souvenirs on the day of my wedding….to that same cute guy.

31. Sometimes, I cannot believe how lucky I am.

32. Birds terrify me.

33. I am highly intuitive. There are times I know something will happen before it happens.

34. Don’t make me angry. You won’t like it when I’m angry.

35. I am a hopeless clutz. I trip over anything and bump into everything.

36. I am a natural born worrier although I try not to show it.

37. I was always the teacher’s pet.

38. I am not good at keeping secrets.

39. I am smarter than what I let on.

40. I feel powerful when I write.

Poster Child

My husband and I were driving down traffic-ridden Libis one sunny Saturday afternoon when we chanced upon it. At first, I thought I was hallucinating.

It couldn’t be real. It just couldn’t.

It looked too huge. It looked too conspicuous. And it looked too darn cute.

But it was there in plain clear sight, and the realization of it brought my husband to bring our vehicle to a screeching halt right in the middle of the busy thoroughfare.

There, grinning down at us from the central facade of the Shopwise building was an enormous billboard of our baby boy. The tissue paper he was endorsing was playfully rolled around his chubby little body and a small golden Labrador puppy sat right beside him. Our son, who was all of nine months at the time the ad was taken, beamed at the world with his endearing smile in a such a magnificently picture-perfect way.

I was rendered speechless. I cannot accurately describe the searing surge of parental pride and joy that welled up inside me at that moment. I suspect my husband felt the same way because he too was stunned into silence. For one insane minute, we found ourselves wordlessly sharing a silly smile that reached all the way up to the back of our heads.

We drove into the supermarket's vast parking lot and were giddily surprised to come across smaller posters of our boy hanging in dozens of lampposts all over the area. We got out of our car and eagerly snapped photos of our child’s banners using our celphones. Our manic shooting prompted a suspicious security guard to tentatively approach us and warn that management did not permit taking photos. My obedient spouse immediately stopped taking pictures, but I did not even pause. Too excited to care about silly building regulations, I impatiently told the guard it was my baby up there and even added: “Star na ang anak ko!” ("My baby's a star!") The man must have understood that arguing with a loony stage mother was a futile battle because he chose to back off, saying: “Ang cute niya, ma’am!” ("He's so cute, ma'am!")

It turns out that what we saw in Shopwise Libis was but a teensy glimpse of the vast campaign planned by the leading tissue paper company that picked our son as model. From that point on, our baby has been appearing everywhere. Our son’s ads have been splayed inside and outside leading supermarkets nationwide, posted in the backs of taxi cabs and at the sides of buses, placed in waiting sheds along busy streets and even stuck in the restrooms of popular malls. Friends and relatives call us out of the blue at different times of day just to say they have spotted our boy from as far as Cavite and Bulacan.

After some time, you would think that we, the ridiculously pleased parents, would get used to all the hoopla. We haven’t. When we espy a new poster of our adorable little one, we still brave the inevitable flack from security by sneakily taking photos wherever we are. When we need to go shopping, we still choose to enter a grocery that has our baby’s banners. When we meet someone for the first time, we still cannot resist the temptation of flashing our celphones and showing off our baby’s famous ads. And when people tell us we have ourselves a rising star, we still get thrilled to death.

Hooray for our fabulous Poster Child!

Post-Baby Changes

What changes when you have a baby?

Below is a strikingly accurate list of post-baby differences posted by a fellow mommy in babycenter.com:

1. You look at your baby in the mirror instead of yourself.

2. You finally stop to smell the roses, because your baby is in your arms.

3. Where you once believed you were fearless, you now find yourself afraid.

4. You're less self-involved and more self-motivated.

5. The sacrifices you thought you made to have a child no longer seem like sacrifices.

6. You respect your body ... finally. (Hooray for baby-making!)

7. You have stronger opinions and are stronger willed.

8. You respect your parents and love them in a new way. (Hooray for grandparents!)

9. You find that your baby's pain feels much worse than your own.

10. You believe once again in the things you believed in as a child. (Hooray for the tooth fairy!)

11. You lose touch with the people in your life that you should have banished years ago.

12. Your heart breaks much more easily.

13. You think of your baby 234,836,178,976 times a day. In fact, you're so busy with this that you forget everything else.

14. Every day is a surprise.

15. Bodily functions are no longer repulsive. In fact, they please you. (Hooray for poop!)

16. You think before you speak.

17. You become a morning person. (Hooray for watching the sun rise!)

18. If you have a son, you no longer curse men. (Hooray for all men!)

19. If you have a daughter, you hope she won't endure your same heartaches.

20. Your love becomes limitless, a superhuman power.

Friendship on Fire

I recently saw the DVD of the “The Perfect Man”. The picture stars Hilary Duff and Heather Locklear. You can thus very easily and quite rightly assume that it was not exactly a movie teeming with intellectual profundity. However, there was this one exquisite line in the film that unexpectedly leapt right into my head and remained hopelessly lodged in the inner recesses of my subconscious.

The line consisted of five simple words:

Love is friendship on fire.

It does not get any truer than this.

My husband and I dated exclusively for eight years before tying the knot. Now, after more than four years of marriage, we are still going strong. During the course of our being together, people have often asked me how we have managed to happily remain in a long-term relationship. Frequently, I would find myself smiling back dumbly, in an utter loss for words. For really, how can one accurately encapsulate the underlying essence of a bond so magnificently complex, so ridiculously multifaceted and so incredibly overwhelming?

At last I believe I have found the most fitting answer. Plainly put, my husband and I share a friendship on fire. We are each other’s best friend; there is no one else in the world we are as comfortable with. Yet, amidst the security and stability of companionship lies a fiery zeal for each other that keeps the romance alive.

Friendship alone does not suffice; you can have many great friends. And passion on its own, no matter how heated and thrilling at first, will fizzle out in the end. It is only upon discovering that you share with someone that singularly fabulous mix of camaraderie and passion that you know you have a love worth living for and dying for.

So all you out there in search of the perfect life mate, you would do well to take to heart this precious little nugget:

Choose well and find a love that is friendship on fire.

DVD not included.

Rated X (Pirated Version)

Once a month, my husband and I sneak over to the unassuming Makati Cinema Square to revel in one pleasurable night of pirated DVD shopping. Buying stacks of items being illicitly sold in an area that could very well be raided anytime by self-righteous anti-piracy forces produces an underground feel that only renders the entire experience more thrilling. The climax hits when you willingly hand over your cash, greedily grab your bag bursting with coveted titles and jauntily walk out of the mall with the ridiculously delightful satisfaction of knowing that you have successfully assured yourself long wondrous hours of movie viewing pleasure at a beautifully dirt-cheap price.

Last night, we were at it again. But this time, while my spouse was scouring the shelves in search of the latest Hollywood action blockbuster, I found myself strangely drawn to a mysterious pile of films tucked in a far corner of the stall. When I flipped through the hoard, I saw that they were all pornographic. I would have immediately turned away in disgust had I not been utterly riveted by their unbelievably outrageous titles.

Are you ready for this???

Here, from the least to the most preposterously titled, is the Top Ten list of X-rated films available at your friendly DVD pirate’s neighborhood:

10. Tilamsik (Was anyone fried during the making?)
9. Tarzan X (With apologies to Malcolm. What could he have done to Jane and Cheetah in the jungle?)
8. Possible Entry (One must admire the subtlety.)
7. Trapped In Tiny Holes (We hope no mice were hurt during filming.)
6. Teen Philippine (That’s the title, plain and simple. Hmmmmm.)
5. Stuffin Young Muffins (Maybe there are cute cartoon characters involved.)
4. Smells Like Slut Spirit (With apologies to Nirvana.)
3. Sanay Sa Sahig 2 (You mean there was actually a Part 1???)
2. Pers Taym (Could there be a Sekon, Tird, Port and Pip Taym?)
1. Langonisa ni Papa (No comment necessary.)

As I uncovered these titles, I laughed and laughed until the scary Muslim vendor looked about ready to send me to the loony bin. I would no doubt have espied more movie names had I stayed longer, but my red-faced husband saw fit to hurriedly pull me out of there. On our way home, I revealed to him what I saw and he could not help but crack up as well. Yes, we had just found another reason to enjoy pirated DVD shopping!

Jampacked

We recently went on a two-night, three-day getaway to Malarayat Golf & Country Club in Lipa, Batangas. I was highly excited for the trip because it was to be our first out-of-town vacation with our baby in tow and we planned to take him swimming with us.

The evening before we left, my enthusiasm was a tad curbed when I realized that I would have to face the inescapably daunting task of packing not only for me, but for our tiny tot as well.

Just packing for myself has been enough of a conundrum ever since I could remember. I have never considered myself a smart packer for the plain reason that I cannot absorb the concept of “light packing.” In fact, there is no such thing for me. I perpetually harbor the inexplicable fear that some unforeseen crisis will arise that would require us to stay much longer in a place than expected. Thus, I end up jamming my suitcase (yes, I must have a suitcase with me at all times…even to the beach) with hoards of extra clothes, shoes and toiletries. I find myself bringing a jacket to Boracay and a bathing suit to Baguio…just in case.

These are three words that drive my husband nuts. Whenever he questions my stockpile packing strategy, my reply is always simple: just in case. I then continue to remind him of the one time during our Palawan honeymoon when I was actually vindicated. On our way back to the airport from Club Paradise Beach Resort, it rained so hard that our flight had to be canceled and we had to stop for an extra night at the neighboring Maricaban Resort. I happily pranced around in my jacket and fresh, dry clothing while my husband shivered in his remaining wet pair of shirt and shorts. After that, my stash and cram habit of packing was undeniably reinforced. But I digress.

As we prepared to go tripping with our son, I was astounded at the amount of stuff that had to be transported for such a little creature. After much fussing, stressing and agonizing, we ended up stowing and hauling all these things for baby:

• 1 bag of disposable diapers
• 1 box of baby wipes
• 1 tube of diaper rash ointment
• 1 bottle sterilizer
• 1 adaptor for the bottle sterilizer
• 4 milk bottles
• 1 breast pump
• 1 can of formula
  
• 1 box of infant cereal
  
• 5 burp cloths
• 3 bibs
• 10 sets of baby clothes (just in case)
• 1 pair of swimming trunks
• 1 jacket
• 2 baby towels
• 3 baby blankets
• 2 pairs of shoes
• 3 pairs of socks
  
• baby powder
• baby sunblock lotion
• baby soap and shampoo
• baby thermometer
• medicine for fever (just in case)
• multi-vitamins
• assorted toys
• 1 inflatable lifesaver
• 1 pump for the inflatable lifesaver
• 1 car seat
• 1 stroller
• 1 hi-tech digital camera (for Daddy to record baby’s precious moments)
• 1 handicam (for Daddy to record more baby’s precious moments)

Whew! Take note that the above is only the list pertaining to our child. Add my pile of just-in-case stuffed bags together with my husband’s effects and our yaya’s belongings, and you can imagine the epic proportions reached. The artful loading and arrangement of all items to fit inside our ride was indeed a phenomenal feat to be proud of. Thank heavens we wisely decided to buy an SUV instead of a car. Otherwise, we might have had no choice but to leave the baby himself.

I could not help wondering. What would happen if we had two, three, four children? How in the world could we successfully squeeze everyone and everything in and out our vehicle?? Would we have to rent a Victory Liner bus??? The idea is enough to render me catatonic.

Fortunately, our family outing turned out to be truly enjoyable and relaxing, with our small bundle of joyous energy having the time of his life splashing around the pool, taking in the splendid greenery and crawling around our carpeted spacious suite.

We had such a grand time that my husband is already planning our next out-of-town trip. He wants it to be longer and farther away next time. As early as now, I can already feel the packing jitters.

Milked

I have never had either of my nipples pierced. Now that I am breastfeeding a teething baby, I suspect I already know how it would feel like -- FREAKIN’ PAINFUL!!!

Before giving birth, I was afraid I would not be able to breastfeed successfully. After giving birth, I was astounded to discover that I had enough milk to nourish a small village in Somalia. At the same time, I learned that my baby actually had the appetite of a small village in Somalia.

I do not dispute that breastfeeding works great wonders for a child. Because of it, my six-month old is a superbly healthy miniature Hercules who does not flinch when injected by his disbelieving pediatrician and can cause a black eye with one wayward swipe of his power-packed arm. And since my little man is in a constant excellent state of physical well-being and feels no bodily discomfort, he has come to possess an enviably happy disposition that charms the pants out of anybody who sees him. So really, breastfeeding is highly beneficial for infants and any mother who can, should.

However, I fervently wish those books and internet articles I nerdily perused to prepare me for nursing had at least warned me about two inevitable consequences; namely, forced nipple elasticity and unwarranted leakages.

First, I did not expect for my nipples to be battered beyond belief. My babe has turned out to be one hell of a determined sucker. Thus, my tits have been unceremoniously and incessantly twisted, pulled, pinched, pumped, tweaked, stretched and bitten. My nipples have in fact willingly suffered so much so often that they should be canonized. The worst occurs when, during a feeding session, someone enters the room and my son suddenly whips his head around to see who it is while his mouth is still latched on to my breast. At such a torturous moment, my nipple is distended like a rubber band from here to eternity and I cannot help but scream bloody murder. The sight is enough to make Mr. Fantastic hang his head down in shame at his inferior prowess.

Second, I did not imagine that I would leak like a cow with a dysfunctional bladder. I do not even drink milk so I honestly cannot fathom how my mammary glands can continuously pump out such amazing quantities. I was in the mall pushing my baby in his stroller when I noticed plenty of people intently staring at me as we passed by. I happily thought, “Wow, I must look stunning today!” and added an extra sexy swing to my stride. Then I felt it: a strange drip trickling down my tummy. I glanced down and was aghast to find the front of my white shirt so wet with milk that it was almost transparent. I wanted to evaporate (milk pun intended) from the face of the earth. I immediately snatched up my kid and hurriedly left the mall with him propped against me like a human shield. After that incident, you can bet I never left the house again without wearing breast pads.

Yet, despite the hardship and craziness, I still go on allowing myself to be used, abused, milked. I choose to bravely persevere simply because I want my child to have the best I can possibly offer.

When it comes down to it, Nazareth was right on the dot. Love does hurt.