November 20, 2005

Rated X (Pirated Version)

Once a month, my husband and I sneak over to the unassuming Makati Cinema Square to revel in one pleasurable night of pirated DVD shopping. Buying stacks of items being illicitly sold in an area that could very well be raided anytime by self-righteous anti-piracy forces produces an underground feel that only renders the entire experience more thrilling. The climax hits when you willingly hand over your cash, greedily grab your bag bursting with coveted titles and jauntily walk out of the mall with the ridiculously delightful satisfaction of knowing that you have successfully assured yourself long wondrous hours of movie viewing pleasure at a beautifully dirt-cheap price.

Last night, we were at it again. But this time, while my spouse was scouring the shelves in search of the latest Hollywood action blockbuster, I found myself strangely drawn to a mysterious pile of films tucked in a far corner of the stall. When I flipped through the hoard, I saw that they were all pornographic. I would have immediately turned away in disgust had I not been utterly riveted by their unbelievably outrageous titles.

Are you ready for this???
Here, from the least to the most preposterously titled, is the Top Ten list of X-rated films available at your friendly DVD pirate’s neighborhood:
10. Tilamsik (Was anyone fried during the making?)
9. Tarzan X (With apologies to Malcolm. What could he have done to Jane and Cheetah in the jungle?)
8. Possible Entry (One must admire the subtlety.)
7. Trapped In Tiny Holes (We hope no mice were hurt during filming.)
6. Teen Philippine (That’s the title, plain and simple. Hmmmmm.)
5. Stuffin Young Muffins (Maybe there are cute cartoon characters involved.)
4. Smells Like Slut Spirit (With apologies to Nirvana.)
3. Sanay Sa Sahig 2 (You mean there was actually a Part 1???)
2. Pers Taym (Could there be a Sekon, Tird, Port and Pip Taym?)
1. Langonisa ni Papa (No comment necessary.)

As I uncovered these titles, I laughed and laughed until the scary Muslim vendor looked about ready to send me to the loony bin. I would no doubt have espied more movie names had I stayed longer, but my red-faced husband saw fit to hurriedly pull me out of there. On our way home, I revealed to him what I saw and he could not help but crack up as well. Yes, we had just found another reason to enjoy pirated DVD shopping!


twilite said...

Hi Irene! I can imagine your grin and laughter. You have a way of writing that's so infectious. So you're one of those who scour around for pirated do I when I travel though.

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