November 28, 2006

A Portrait


"Though we travel the world over
to find the beautiful,
we must carry it with us
or we find it not."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Thank you to the superbly talented Tom Atkins of The Creativity Blog for gifting me with the above portrait. Tom is a wonderful artist who uncovers awesome inspiration in simple everyday things, thus carrying beauty in his heart and mind wherever he goes.
Why not try sending Tom your favorite colored picture? Who knows....he just might decide to surprise you with your own painting!

Woohoo!

November 27, 2006

Click

Are you still fretting over the perfect gift to present to the special man in your life this holiday season?

Look no further.

The ideal solution is now at hand....

TAH-DAH!

Satistfaction guaranteed.

BwaHaHa!

November 24, 2006

Screw The Lightbulb!

Who hasn’t heard of a lightbulb joke? There are endless variations of it covering every imaginable culture, belief, occupation and special-interest group.

For your sheer enjoyment, I compiled some of the most amusing lightbulb jokes I’ve ever come across:


Q: How many Divas does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One. The Diva holds it and the whole world turns around her.

Q: How many divorced men does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None, because they never get the house.

Q: How many actors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One, but they have to do it again and again, because they always forget what they should say when they're on the ladder.

Q: How many Blues musicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to change the lightbulb, and another to look at him and say, "Oh yeah".

Q: How many CNN reporters it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Any one of them, but they'll keep repeating the story about what happened until something else breaks.

Q: How many conspiracy theorists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: We will never find out, but Lee Harvey Oswald didn't do it.

Q: How many Christians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 1, but it's really 3, but it's really 1, but it's really 3....

Q: How many Church of England members does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 4. 1 to change the bulb and 3 to set up a society to preserve the old one.

Q: How many detectives does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. "Who changed it, and why?"

Q: How many hardware engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. "We'll fix it in software."

Q: How many software engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. It's a hardware problem.

Q: How many jazz musicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Five. One screws in the lightbulb, and four discuss how Miles Davis would have done it.

Q: How many Journalists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. They would write about how it should be changed, write about how it is being changed, and then write about how it was not changed properly.

Q: How many mathematicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 0.9, or possibly 2.53.

Q: How many perfectionists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. They changed it before it broke.

Q: How many plumbers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One, but that's just the estimate.

Q: How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: It doesn't matter how many you have, none of them will ever trust any of the others to hold the ladder steady.

Q: How many search engines does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: This page is unavailable.

Q: How many statisticians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 1.0±0.3, 19 times out of 20.

Q: How many student activists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: We have 800 signatures and the rally starts tomorrow.

Q: How many Teachers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Ten. One to change the lightbulb and nine to have a staff meeting about it!

Q: How many ugly people does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. We look better when the lights are out.

Q: How many guitarists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Five. One to change the light bulb and four more to say they could do it better solo.

Q: How many green technology experts does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Lightbulbs? Use sunlight!

Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: What's a lightbulb?

Q: How many psychologists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Just one, but the lightbulb has to be willing to change.

Q: How many evolutionists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only 1, but it takes 726 million years to do it.


Q: How many inhabitants of Florida does it take to change a light bulb?
A: I don't know. They are still counting.

Q: How many Americans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. "We can out-source the job to someone cheaper".

Q: How many Argentinians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One footballer, but he'll deny it and say it was the hand of God that did it.

Q: How many Australians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One, but only if five girls are watching as they flex their biceps.

Q: How many British holiday-makers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None, because they smashed it when they were drunk, and they're waiting for the hotel to replace it.

Q: How many Chinese does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Problem: One single bulb that needs replacing, and millions of people to do it.

Q: How many Dutch people does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Three. One to change the bulb, and two to hold the bicycle steady.

Q: How many Egyptians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: No problem at all. It's easier than building a pyramid.

Q: How many Eskimos does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Seal-fat candles are more romantic.

Q: How many French people does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One, but only if everyone says that they do it the best.

Q: How many Germans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One, but he'll complain that he was only taking orders from his superiors.

Q: How many Irish does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Three. One to hold the bulb, and two to drink till the room spins.

Q: How many Italians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One, but he was paid by a politician to do it.

Q: How many Japanese people does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to do it, and one with a camera to photograph the first one doing it.

Q: How many Mexicans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One, but he has to find a hill of beans first.

Q: How many Scottish people does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Two, but they're still arguing about who should buy the bulb.

Q: How many Sicilians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One. "If you don't change that bulb, your brains will be all over the ceiling."

Q: How many Spanish people does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One, but only after a good long sleep in the afternoon.

Q: How many Third World people does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. No electricity.

Q: How many Welsh people does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One, and 40 Welsh miners to sing about how it lights up the valley.

Q: How many Zen gurus does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None; only the inner light matters.

Q: How many Formula 1 drivers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: All of them - if only to make sure that Michael Schumacher doesn't do it first.

Q: How many senior Microsoft engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness™ as the standard.

Q: How many mothers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. "Wait until your father gets home, and stop playing with electricity."

Q: How many Presidents and Prime Ministers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One of each. They'll invade the factory, free the workers, say that lightbulbs are weapons of mass destruction, and then deny they sold them to the factory in the first place.

Q: How many Californians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Californians don't screw in light bulbs, they screw in hot tubs.

Q: How many frat boys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: None. They only screw in a puddle of vomit.

Q: How many boxers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Have you ever tried to change a lightbulb with boxing gloves on?

Q: How many bureaucrats does it take to change a light bulb?
A: I don't think our department handles that - can you hold?

Q: How many Cluedo players does it change to change a lightbulb?
A: Colonel Mustard. In the dining room. With the ladder.

Q: How many dyslexics does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One to bulb light the change.

Q: How many stylish Gay men does it take to change a light bulb?
A: (Sing songy) The whole Gang! Room Makeover!

Q: How many Marxists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.

Q: How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One, who gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing it to a previous joke.

Q: How many modern artists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. A lightbulb is square, and if it's not, it should be.

Q: How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None of your damn business!

Q: How many poets does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One, but only if you can find a word to rhyme with lightbulb...

Q: How many kids with ADD does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Let's go ride our bikes!

Q: One.
A: How many time-travelers does it take to change a light bulb?

Q: How many Vietnam veterans did it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: You'll never understand, because you weren't there.

Q: How many comedians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. It's not funny.


May you have a laughter-filled weekend, my fabulous bloggerfriends!

November 22, 2006

Mumbo Jumbo


Don't ingroe tihs bascuee it lkoos wried.

Beveile it or not you can raed it.

It deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

Anzmiag, isn't it? Seimtemos, the wkroings of the illneetct is spmily so ponhmeeanl taht it teaks my brtaeh aawy.

You can try it yroesulf
hree and hvae fun snrahig yuor saelcmbrd mgseases wtih yuor fdierns.

Hpapy jnulibmg!!!

November 20, 2006

Miracle

A friend emailed me a poem that tugged ferociously at my parental heartstrings and all of a sudden made me feel enormously grateful for the wondrous gift that is my son.

I thought you might like it, too.
The Miracle of Motherhood


Dear God, what a treasure
You've placed here with me.
You've
opened my heart
To what loving can be.

A love so intense,
Yet
so gentle and caring;
A feeling of awe
At the beauty of sharing.

This sweet child of mine
Has enriched my life so,
And in just a few moments
Has helped me to
grow.

From woman to Mother-
It's
swept me away;
And I'm
thankful, dear Lord,
This child's
with me today.

Please grant me the
patience
For endless demands,
And help me
give comfort
To small, pleading hands.

The
love that created
This
precious, dear child
Was our gift from Heaven;
God looked down and smiled.

November 15, 2006

Stand Up and Be Collected!

I am being collected.

Really, I am.

It isn’t as frightful as it sounds.

Fellow Filipina blogger
Maria tagged me to be part of The People Collection Meme. And to tell the truth, I am quite enticed by the novelty of it all.

The brilliant
Sharon Jacobsen initiated this tag with the aim to help writers discover fresh inspiration for new stories, develop uniquely interesting characters, and discover possible resources for research.

Sharon put up
Five Things, which contains links to all the people in the blogosphere who generously offered to share five profane or mundane things about themselves for the cause of literary greatness.

So, for art’s noble sake, I hereby present my five:

1. Tattooed on My Mind


I want to get a tattoo but I just don't have the guts.

I dream of having one imprinted to the side of my nape, slightly below my right shoulder, sexily revealing itself when my long hair is accidentally brushed to the side.

My desired inked image changes with my mood. Maybe I could get a tiny butterfly with exquisite wings, or a grinning angel of mischief, or a simple yet ravishing red-black rose....

Then I think how bizarre it will look when I get old and wrinkly, and I am back once again to settling for wimpy stick-ons and henna dyed tattoos. Sigh!

2. Curiosity killed the cat...


....and satisfaction brought it back.


I ask WHY? all the time.

I grew up very curious and stayed that way.

My Dad unknowingly abetted in the formation of my inquisitive nature by having a ready answer to all my puzzled queries. It inevitably followed that I expected the men I dated to live up to my father's example and have the intellectual capacity and forebearance to deal with my relentless probing.

My husband will never forget the first time he told me he was in love with me. My instantaneous response was borne out of reflex: WHY?

It threw him completely off guard and caused him to launch into a panicked monologue of incoherent mumblings I still do not get to this day.

Actually, at that time, I did not care what he said. I just watched his piercing eyes as he spoke and they were answer enough.

3. Secret Spellbinder


I am a bit of a witch.

I have a strong sense of intuition. There are times when I know something will happen before it happens. And more disconcertingly, there are moments when I can actually will something to happen.

You would thus do well not to cross me.

Mwahahaha!

4. Suspect the Unsuspecting


I am a sucker for surprises. I love giving them and I love receiving them.

5. Silent Observer


I have a knack for reading people well. I'm quick to discover what makes people tick by observing them closely - the way they move, speak, look, dress, act and yes, blog.

I find human beings to be the most fascinating creatures on the planet and I thoroghly enjoy learning more about each new character I come across.

On that note, I now excitedly summon five bloggerfriends to make known five never yet publicly aired things about themselves.

1. Handsome Houseband
2.
Poet Tom
3.
WonderMom Janet
4.
Claudia
5.
Kris

When you are done with your meme, you can visit
Sharon's Five Things so she can link up your list to her blog.

If there are more of you who want to share something personal that may inspire writers to write better, don't hesitate to join in.

Stand up and be collected!

November 11, 2006

All Seussed Up!


The Loony Mom's
Favorite Words of Wisdom

“Today you are You, that is truer than true.
There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”

"Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So... get on your way."

“Be who you are and say what you feel
because those who mind don't matter
and those who matter don't mind.”

"You can get help from teachers,
but you are going to have
to learn a lot by yourself,
sitting alone in a room.”

"Don't cry because it's over.
Smile because it happened.”

"Sometimes the questions are complicated
and the answers are simple.”


“I have heard there are troubles
of more than one kind.
Some come from ahead
and some come from behind.
But I've bought a big bat.
I'm all ready you see.
Now my troubles are going
to have troubles with me!”

“I meant what I said
and I said what I meant.
An elephant's faithful
one-hundred percent."

“A person's a person, no matter how small.”

“The more that you read,
the more things you will know.
The more that you learn,
the more places you'll go.”


"All alone!
Whether you like it or not,
alone is something you'll
be quite a lot."


“I'm sorry to say so
but, sadly it's true
that bang-ups and hang-ups
can happen to you.”


"Just tell yourself, Duckie,
you're really quite lucky!”

“I know up on the top
you are seeing great sights,
but down at the bottom
we, too, should have righ
ts."

“And the Grinch, with his Grinch-feet
ice cold in the snow,
stood puzzling and puzzling,
how could it be so?
It came without ribbons.
It came without tags.
It came without packages, boxes or bags.
And he puzzled and puzzled
'til his puzzler was sore.
Then the Grinch thought
of something
he hadn't before.
What if Christmas, he thought,
doesn't come from a store.
What if Christmas, perhaps,
means a little bit more.”


"If you never did, you should.
These things are fun, and fun is good."


“How did it get so late so soon?
Its night before its afternoon.
December is here before its June.
My goodness how the time has flewn.
How did it get so late so soon?”

“You're in pretty good shape
for the shape you are in.”

“And will you succeed?
Yes indeed, yes indeed!
Ninety-eight and
three-quarters percent guaranteed!”

“From there to here,
and here to there,
funny things are everywhere.”

“And the turtles, of course...
All the turtles are free-
As turtles and, maybe,
all creatures should be.”

“Think left and think right
and think low and think high.
Oh, the things you can think up
if only you try!”

“You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself
in any direction you choose.
You're on your own.
And you know what you know.
You are the guy
who'll decide where to go.”

“You are you. Now, isn't that pleasant?”


“Today was good.
Today was fun.
Tomorrow is another one.”