Name That Pinoy!

After all that international name-calling in my previous blog entry, I think it is time to get more nationalistic and stay close to home.

Here are some of the most uniquely named Pinoy folk roaming amongst us:

Andy Williams Ling
Willard Mosquito
Belma Santos
Jefferson Palpal-Latoc
Merry Christmas Aguinaldo
Edgar Wave Alon
Simplicia Incognito
Albino Kaw
Led Zeppelin Tuyay
Solomon King
Myra “Pebbles” Cabato Batumalaki
Great Mabuti
Zwinlie Inzon
Socrates Apollo Butiktik
Sahara Desierto
Wealthie Kho
Jane Panti
Lispeth Intia
Bruce Springsteen Tuyay
Jinrikisha Remiriser Diwa
Edwin Mataba
Peter Pan
Leopoldo Bolabola
Circumcision Cruz
Bruel Jalandoni
Lyonil Chadwick Isip
Queenabelly Ngo
Lito Baduy
Steely Dan Tuyay
Forever Inumaru
Saklolo Santiago
Lhuchielyn Javelosa
Jubben Icawat
Sir Winston Buan
Marlo Moron
Tabitha Jurisprudencia
Christina Lao-Lao
Jovenith Lalamonan
Weedy Tan
Redeemer Ibong
Johnnyfer Martin
Mick Jagger Tuyay
Nimfa Matabang
Joser Hegor Juson
Yollyvie Marinduque
Predeswinda Idea
Leticia Malabayabas

Take note that all of the above-stated appellations are real and belong to live human beings.

Mabuhay ang Pinoy!

Aren't You Glad Your Name Isn't Dweezil?

Famous celebrities sure know how to concoct the most bizarre names for their offspring. I thought it would be quite entertaining to compile a list of outlandish monikers for you to gasp over.

Are you ready for this:

Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily – daughter of Michael Hutchence (INXS) & Paula Yates
Dandelion – daughter of Keith Richards (Rolling Stones)
Phinnaeus Walter – son of Julia Roberts & Daniel Moder
Tu – daughter of Rob Morrow (yes, she’s called Tu Morrow!)
Apple – daughter of Chris Martin (Coldplay) & Gwyneth Paltrow
Moses – son of Chris Martin (Coldplay) & Gwyneth Paltrow
Sage Moonblood – son of Sylvester Stallone
Moon Unit – daughter of Frank & Gail Zappa
Dweezil – son of Frank & Gail Zappa
Ahmed Emuukha Rodan – son of Frank & Gail Zappa
Diva Muffin - daughter of Frank & Gail Zappa
Pilot Inspektor – son of Jason Lee & Beth Riesgraf
Jermajesty – son of Jermaine Jackson
Duncan Zowie Heywood Jones – son of David Bowie
Elijah Bob Patricius Guggi Q – son of Bono (U2)
Memphis Eve – daughter of Bono (U2)
Chastity Sun – daughter of Sonny & Cher
Chorde – child of Snoop Doggy Dog
Rumer Glenn – daughter of Demi Moore & Bruce Willis
Geronimo – son of Alex James (Blur)
Rufus Tiger – son of Roger Taylor (Queen)
Fifi Trixabelle – daughter of Bob Geldof & Paula Yates
Peaches Honeyblossom Michelle Charlotte Angel Vanessa – daughter of Bob Geldof & Paula Yates
Kal-el – son of Nicolas Cage
Fuschia – daughter of Sting
Speck Wildhorse – son of John Cougar Mellencamp
Denim – son of Toni Braxton & Keri Lewis
Deizel Ky – son of Toni Braxton & Keri Lewis
Audio Science – son of Shannyn Sossamon & Dallas Clayton
Sailor Lee – daughter of Christie Brinkley & Peter Cook
Satchel – daughter of Mia Farrow & Woody Allen
Misty Kyd – daughter of Sharleen Spiteri (Texas)
Hopper Jack – son of Sean Penn & Robin Wright
Moxie Crimefighter – daughter of Penn Jilette & Emily Zolten
Beauregard – son of Mick Jagger & Jerry Hall
Homer Jigme – son of Richard Gere & Carey Lowell

And you thought it would be cool to have Bono for a daddy!

Fellow parents, please be kinder to your children.

Childproof!

Try clicking on the word “childproofing” on your search engine and you will receive a kilometric list of links teeming with all sorts of precautionary measures you should take to ensure that your toddler is safe in your home.

Secure your stairs with baby gates to avoid nasty falls! Buy adhesive mount cabinet latches to block access to harmful objects! Use toilet locks to keep your child from touching the germ-filled toilet water! Unplug electrical appliances when not in use!

Indeed, the security recommendations for keeping your place safe for baby are endless and more than sufficient to drive the meek of heart to the brink of parental paranoia.

However, I noticed that what the purported safety experts fail to offer is much-needed advice regarding the opposite side of the coin. Specifically: what must be done to proof the house from baby?

For, as most desperate folk with a mischievous imp in their midst know only too well, a tiny toddler can wreak huge havoc in any peaceful dwelling. I thus took it upon myself to draw up a list of things that could help protect the familial abode from infant destruction.

Daddies and mommies, follow these at your own discretion:

o Remove all objects within reach of your octopus baby, the operative word here being all. Keep in mind that anything that can be grabbed will be grabbed and dropped to the ground to test the forces of gravity. (Important note: The higher the cost price of the item on display, the more chances of being singled out for grabbing.)

o Buy a bed with a warranty so you can replace it when your junior acrobat has worn it down it by jumping on it way too many times. Better yet, save yourself the trouble and buy your family a sleeping bag.

o Do not bother with wallpaper. Instead, have a fresh bucket of paint on hand so you can readily repaint the walls every time your young Picasso doodles wildly on them.

o Wrap your cellular phone in thick foam. Your mobile may not look as chic, but at least you can rest assured it will not crash into smithereens after being hurled across the room by your little Hercules.

o The above also applies to the remote control.

o Stack up on empty boxes and old wrapping paper. Bring them out whenever you need to keep your toddler preoccupied for a few minutes. Forget toys – they don’t work.

o Speaking of toys, save your money and refrain from buying toy tv sets, toy stereos, toy tool kits, toy telephones and the like. They don’t fool anyone. Your wise offspring will still prefer to play with the real things.

o Tape your favorite novels shut. Either that or be prepared to watch your baby Einstein open your precious books and gleefully rip the pages one by one.

o You can now sell your lawnmower. All you need to do is set your kid loose in the garden and you will have patches of grass (and flowers) plucked out by eager diminutive fingers in no time.

o Buy hundreds of rubber placemats and stick them together until they make up one big piece that can cover your entire kitchen. This is the only way to ensure that your kitchen remains immaculately clean after feeding your rowdy baby.

o The above also applies to your bathroom. Simply substitute placemats with towels.

o Stash all medicines in a locked cabinet – except your baby’s medicines. Those you can leave within easy reach because no matter what you do, children just hate, hate, hate taking their medicine.

o Experts warn that we must unplug electrical appliances when not in use. In truth, kids actually unplug all electrical appliances that are in use. So really, you can just leave everything on. Your troublesome tot will automatically switch everything off by eagerly pulling the plugs.

o Never shut the door. There is nothing like a closed door to turn your small angel into a wailing, shrieking, kicking, pounding banshee.

o Learn to stop saying no. The more you say no, the more stubbornness will ensue. For unruly rugrats, “no” easily translates to “do it some more…fast…before I get caught!” Be smart and improvise accordingly. Try holding your tongue and letting them do whatever they want to do until they get tired of it.

If you have similar tips in mind, do share them. We the hapless have no option but to stick together and learn from each other in order to survive the topsy-turvy planet of parenthood.

Now, please excuse me while I pad our kitchen with placemats. Our one year-old bundle of crazy energy is getting ready for lunch.

Baby Waiting

All you married women out there who have been waiting some time to get pregnant, listen up.

I can empathize with you. I’ve been in that boat and I know it is not a painless place to be marooned in.

My husband and I were married for more than three years before finally getting pregnant with our Niccolo. Before that, we experienced so many false alarms and dashed hopes that we got very fed up!

Let me tell you something. I got pregnant when it was the furthest thing from our minds. I know people always say it and it is hard NOT to do but you really just have to make yourself stop thinking about it so much. It happened to us when we least expected it and when we finally decided in our hearts to leave it all up to God to bless us in His own time.

It is not wrong to keep yourself busy while waiting, but be busy doing something you like. I was still working when I got pregnant and only resigned right before giving birth so I could take care of our baby full-time. Try not to let yourself be pressured by your parents, your in-laws and others who seek to impose what they want on you. I know how maddening it can be when people keep asking if you are pregnant and what you are doing about it if you aren't. It does NOT help at all. As much as possible, do not allow them get to you because it will adversely affect you more than you realize. As long as you and your husband are at peace with each other and your situation, you are on the right track.

After our OB-GYN ran tests and confirmed that there was nothing physically wrong with my husband and me, she asked if we wanted to start on a fertility program to try to speed things up. My husband and I thought about it long and hard and finally decided it would just stress us out to go on fertility treatments. We thus jointly resolved to simply leave it be and let nature take its course. At ease with our mutual agreement, we went on simply enjoying our marriage as best we could. We lived easy and prayed hard. And just like that, a year after our first doctor’s visit, the much-awaited happened. We found out that I was finally and positively pregnant.

The key is to relax and take each day as it comes. Don't allow yourself to be pressured by what others want for you. Never give in to bitterness or despair, for there is still so much beauty and joy in life waiting to unfold before you. Keep yourself open to miracles.

Be grateful for what you have today. Savor your marriage as it is now with your husband. Deepen your marital ties by communicating closely with each other and supporting the decisions you have come to agree on. You will be wonderfully surprised at how much stronger your bond will be once you commit to being each other’s staunchest ally throughout.

Most importantly, be patient. Seize the time to immerse yourself in prayer and get closer to God so that you will better understand and come to graciously accept His will for you.

Then, you will see. The blessings will just flow….and you will realize that all the waiting will be absolutely worth it.

40 Things

Here are 40 random things you (probably) don't know about me:

1. When I smile, I have at least five dimples.

2. I admit I can be a bit of a tease.

3. My first love was also my first heartbreak.

4. I cannot help but ask WHY all the time. And I cannot help but admire the people who can answer my questions.

5. When I was two years old, I came out on the cover of Panorama as the New Year Baby sitting atop a piano in nothing but a panty, a sash and a party hat. My parents bought 100 copies of that issue and gave it to everyone they knew. (No, I am not showing you the magazine even if you paid me.)

6. I weep unabashedly at sad movies.

7. I find it easier to make friends with men than women.

8. I am very good at solving crosswords.

9. My husband believes I am a drama queen. And I believe he is right.

10. I am inherently shy. (Please stop snickering.) I really am. I just make an effort to overcome it.

11. My most fervent prayers almost always come true and this makes me feel extremely blessed.

12. I am a chocolate fiend.

13. The first time I got drunk, I ended up in the emergency room of a hospital!

14. I laugh even when I want to cry.

15. For some reason I cannot fathom, people always say I look familiar the first time I meet them.

16. Once, when I was eighteen, a guy suddenly got out of his yellow Volkswagen and approached the car where I was sitting with the window open. He said he just had to tell me I was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen in his life. All I could muster in reply was: Thank you! To this day, I recall the incident whenever I glimpse a yellow Volkswagen on the road.

17. I am ridiculously competitive.

18. I am so happy and content with whom I chose to marry.

19. Gays like being around me. And I don’t mind at all.

20. I wish I were better at verbalizing my strongest feelings.

21. I think vegetarianism is best suited for rabbits.

22. I do not and will not ever regret giving up my own career to work on becoming a better mother.

23. I feel incomplete when my nails aren’t done.

24. I am a closet nerd.

25. My family means the world to me.

26. I memorize the lyrics of all my favorite songs.

27. I have not outgrown my not-so-hidden desire for Richard Gomez.

28. I am fiercely opinionated but I strive not to impose my beliefs on others.

29. I am so relieved my firstborn turned out to be a boy. I suspect that raising a daughter will be a much more complicated task.

30. Back in college, I saw this cute guy at a party. I was so enthralled by him that when I got home, I immediately wrote a poem inspired by him entitled “Beginnings.” Nine years later, that same poem was printed on the CDs of love songs that were given as souvenirs on the day of my wedding….to that same cute guy.

31. Sometimes, I cannot believe how lucky I am.

32. Birds terrify me.

33. I am highly intuitive. There are times I know something will happen before it happens.

34. Don’t make me angry. You won’t like it when I’m angry.

35. I am a hopeless clutz. I trip over anything and bump into everything.

36. I am a natural born worrier although I try not to show it.

37. I was always the teacher’s pet.

38. I am not good at keeping secrets.

39. I am smarter than what I let on.

40. I feel powerful when I write.

Poster Child

My husband and I were driving down traffic-ridden Libis one sunny Saturday afternoon when we chanced upon it. At first, I thought I was hallucinating.

It couldn’t be real. It just couldn’t.

It looked too huge. It looked too conspicuous. And it looked too darn cute.

But it was there in plain clear sight, and the realization of it brought my husband to bring our vehicle to a screeching halt right in the middle of the busy thoroughfare.

There, grinning down at us from the central facade of the Shopwise building was an enormous billboard of our baby boy. The tissue paper he was endorsing was playfully rolled around his chubby little body and a small golden Labrador puppy sat right beside him. Our son, who was all of nine months at the time the ad was taken, beamed at the world with his endearing smile in a such a magnificently picture-perfect way.

I was rendered speechless. I cannot accurately describe the searing surge of parental pride and joy that welled up inside me at that moment. I suspect my husband felt the same way because he too was stunned into silence. For one insane minute, we found ourselves wordlessly sharing a silly smile that reached all the way up to the back of our heads.

We drove into the supermarket's vast parking lot and were giddily surprised to come across smaller posters of our boy hanging in dozens of lampposts all over the area. We got out of our car and eagerly snapped photos of our child’s banners using our celphones. Our manic shooting prompted a suspicious security guard to tentatively approach us and warn that management did not permit taking photos. My obedient spouse immediately stopped taking pictures, but I did not even pause. Too excited to care about silly building regulations, I impatiently told the guard it was my baby up there and even added: “Star na ang anak ko!” ("My baby's a star!") The man must have understood that arguing with a loony stage mother was a futile battle because he chose to back off, saying: “Ang cute niya, ma’am!” ("He's so cute, ma'am!")

It turns out that what we saw in Shopwise Libis was but a teensy glimpse of the vast campaign planned by the leading tissue paper company that picked our son as model. From that point on, our baby has been appearing everywhere. Our son’s ads have been splayed inside and outside leading supermarkets nationwide, posted in the backs of taxi cabs and at the sides of buses, placed in waiting sheds along busy streets and even stuck in the restrooms of popular malls. Friends and relatives call us out of the blue at different times of day just to say they have spotted our boy from as far as Cavite and Bulacan.

After some time, you would think that we, the ridiculously pleased parents, would get used to all the hoopla. We haven’t. When we espy a new poster of our adorable little one, we still brave the inevitable flack from security by sneakily taking photos wherever we are. When we need to go shopping, we still choose to enter a grocery that has our baby’s banners. When we meet someone for the first time, we still cannot resist the temptation of flashing our celphones and showing off our baby’s famous ads. And when people tell us we have ourselves a rising star, we still get thrilled to death.

Hooray for our fabulous Poster Child!