July 27, 2007

Those Happy Creatures Called Men

Men are just happier people.

Really, what do you expect from such simple creatures?

Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress -- $5000. Tux rental -- $100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hair style lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck. You can play with toys all your life. Your belly usually hides your big hips. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier.



ian said...

Lovely Irene: An M1 Abrams tank can go about 60 mph with the governor removed.

But it's not recommended.

Now you know something about tanks too. :)


Irene said...

Irresistible Irish Ian: Noted. Thank you.

I'm sure that bit of knowledge will someday come in handy for me.

By the way, what in the world is an Abrams tank? ;p

Bearette24 said...

Extra credit...so true.

But they do Christmas shopping? I didn't know about that ;)

Bearette24 said...

I have no idea what an Abrams tank is, either!!

Bearette24 said...

Actually, my husband does Christmas shopping online. I stand corrected.

Clare said...

Can you hear my laughter from here? My husband and I absolutely love this!! I read it out loud to him and we had so much fun. Brilliant, Irene! Thank you!

A Mom Who Thinks Too Much said...

What's an Abrams tank?

My husband said, without missing a beat: "It's an M1A1 or an M1A2. It's the big American tank you always see." Or something like that. Whenever he says these things, all I hear is "Wah wah wah-wah-wah wah."

My husband is not a military man. Where do they learn this stuff?

twilite said...

Hi irene! ^-^! Your man must love you for this profound observation!!! What a tribute!

I'm sure the men in blogosphere will simply love you.

You're a winner for popular blogging award!

Paolo... said...

so true so true! heheheheheh.... I really am so thankful that I am a guy!ü

I just really wonder why is it that women's shoes sounds so dangerous...?ü

have a great weekend, Irene!ü

Irene said...

Bearette: My husband actully LIKES to go out shopping....but he takes minutes while I take hours! ;p

Clare: A friend emailed the piece to me and I thought it was a hoot. Glad you and your husband enjoyed it. :)

A Mom Who Thinks Too Much:
I guess men just naturally amass knowledge about toys they love - such as Abrams tanks. :p

Twilite: Haha! Glad you had fun with it! ;p

Paolo: Women's shoes sound dangerous because they ARE. Haha!

Happy weekend to you, too!

Kai C. said...

hi, thank you for stopping by.
i love your blog!

Irene said...

Kai: Thanks! It's great to see you here! You're always welcome to visit. :)

Skittles said...

OMG.. that is all so true! LOL

Pamela said...

"the world is their urinal" Now that p*sses me off!!! It just isn't fair.

Michele said...

Oh wow, these were just too funny. I had to share these with my husband and even though he rolled his eyes around he did agree with them.... he thought they were spot on.... hahaha... thanks for the laughs... very good.

Bud Weiser, WTIT said...

We do not shop on Christmas Eve anymore. Get with it. We do it all on Amazon & it takes five minutes...

(great post!)

krystyna said...

Are you psychologist, Irene? You know perfect those happy creatures called men. Great,funny post.
Have a happy,wonderful Sunday!

Scribbit said...

Did you come up with this? Very funny! Too true.

Irene said...

Skittles: Always happy to share a laugh with you! ;p

Pamela: Piss be with you, Pamela! Haha! :p

Michele: Glad you and your husband enjoyed. Feel free to visit again! :)

Bud: Oh great. On-line shopping just made you already-happy men even happier. ;p

Krystyna: My husband always asks me the same question. Bwahaha! Happy weekend!

Scribbit: The piece was sent to me by email a long time ago. I was cleaning up my inbox, came across it again and thought it be fun to share it with you guys. :)

Mihalis said...

Admit it. You're jealous aren't you? :)

Irene said...

Mihalis: You bet! ;p

Marie said...

So true!

frannie said...

I'm still glad to be a woman! :)

Alok said...

No doubt we r happier creatures ..... life with less botherations


Ms. Val said...

The same hair style lasts for years, maybe decades.

And that's better how??????

The Winged Acrophobic said...

Most men would feel that you're talking about them. I did!

Jocelyn said...

Things like this always remind me of how exceptional my husband is. I keep telling him I married him because he's as close to a woman as I could find.

In other words, I haven't made dinner since we got married. And stuff like that.

Judd Corizan said...

Congratulations! Your post from July 27, 2007: “Those Happy Creatures Called Men” has been selected as our Post of the Day on “The Rising Blogger”. It is a site that awards posts, not blogs. We will email your winning badge and all our info, if you contact us with your email address. To encourage your readers to comment on your award, it helps if you make the first comment on our post about your blog, yourself. We ask winners to nominate a post favorite of a fellow blogger. Call it “paying it forward”. Neither is a requirement. You have won this award because we truly feel you deserve it. To reach “The Rising Blogger” site:


Have a great week!
Judd Corizan
The Rising Blogger

Dan said...

You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park.

Wait a second! I'm ALL FOR women doing these things. Absolutely. Is there some organization that I can contribute to in order to make this happen? I can even volunteer my time.

Irene said...

Marie: Great to see you again. Have a good week ahead!

Frannie: So am I! ;p

Alok: Actually, the purpose of us women is to give you men the botherations! :p

Ms. Val: My husband's been going to the same hairdresser for the past 8 years. He always gets the same cut and he always looks great.

I, on the other hand, have tried a multitude of styles, hair colors and cuts and I'm still not satisfied! Sigh...

The Winged Acrophobic: So that must mean you know all about tanks too, eh? :p

Jocelyn: I too haven't cooked dinner since I got married. =)

Judd: Woohoo! Thanks a lot for the "Rising Blogger" award! You made my day. :)

Dan: You're too funny. Seriously. ;p

Keshi said...

LOL I agree...I wish I was a man :(


Michael C said...

Great post! I guess I really can't argue with your logic ;-)

Dumdad said...


Discovered your very funny post by way of The Rising Blogger. Congrats on that award, very well deserved. I've had a quick peek at your site and it looks great and reads that way too.

Elween said...

ha this is funny. true, men are happier but when women appear...things turn more complicated than ever. oh just kidding :p

thx for visiting my blog. you have an interesting blog too! :)

Akelamalu said...

Popped over from Rising Blogger to say congratulations on your award.

Great post, really funny!

Bobby Griffin said...

Hi again Irene,

Just thought I'd stop by and update you on the voting for bestest blog of the year. We've had over 8000 votes cast by over 100 different voters in just under a week. A contest update can be found at the new and improved brand new home of Bestest Blog!!, original details can be found here. With a week to go still, that $50 prize, title, and bragging rights is still up for grabs. Also, be sure to get in the running to be blog of the day again this year by joining the Blankest Blank Blog Directory. Thanks for reading and please stop by and leave a comment at the new Bestest Blog some time!

P.S. I used that exact image of a guy laughing on a poster for the improv comedy club I moderate at school, weird!

Irene said...

Keshi: Oh, what a man you'd make! ;p

Michael: You also know what an Abrams tank is, don't you?


Dumdad: Thanks so much for visiting me. Please feel right at home here! :)

Elween: Complicated can be fun, can't it? ;p

Bobby of the Bestest Blog: Thanks for the update and tips!

You moderate an improve comedy club? No wonder you're so funny! You actually work at it. :p

Britt-Arnhild said...

Great. Wonderful written.

Brian said...


I am not sure what the point of this post was. *scratches himself* Men are happier? I must have missed the memo. ;)

Congrats on two awards!!!!!! You rock, as you well know. :)

ciara said...

lmao oh my...so true. i just want to point out...i MAY stare at a guy while talking if he has MAN BOOBS! lol

mom who thinks-men prob learn this crap from spike tv lol

btw, in the grand scheme of things...i still would not trade the wonderful miracle of giving birth to be a man :)

J. Andrew Lockhart said...

I have to agree -- no wonder I'm so happy. :)

thethinker said...

That's hilarious. And so true.

Irene said...

Britt-Arnhild: Glad you enjoyed. Visit me again soon! :)

Brian: Ah, the scratching of the balls....another phenomenon unique to those happy creatures called men! Haha! ;p

Ciara: I agree. Man boobs are a grotesquely riveting sight. HAHA!

J. Andrew Lockhart: Stay happy, man! :p

The Thinker: Always glad to bring you some smiles, sweetie!

justawriter said...

Irene this is very funny and SO true! I really enjoyed reading your post... :)

my4kids said...

To funny and to true!!
Being married to a mechanic who has worked on pretty much any kind of machinery...yes even a tank once. I have learned quite a bit about cars at least. I get the guys trying to tell me how to do things and it irritates me. I had some guy trying to tell me how to inflate my tire yesterday....I'm not stupid you know is what I felt like telling him!

Em Dy said...

And men can get away with not giving gifts. Other people would actually be surprised that they shopped for Christmas gifts.

Ha ha ha.

Plus Ultra said...

Irene You have outdone yourself!!

slaghammer said...

Being a woman has its upsides too. Consider these points from a man’s perspective.
- Women are always right, men are always wrong.
- Your ovaries are tucked safely inside, out of kicking range.
- Women never have to wonder if a guy is “ready.”
- When pulled over by cops, women get warnings, guys get tickets.
- If the ship is sinking, women get first choice of “life-boat or swim for it.”
I guess that’s all I can think of. It’s a short list to be sure, but they are valid points.
I’m still extremely thankful that I turned out to be a guy.

ciara said...

first of all...lmao @ the nic slaghammer. and lmao at those valid points. you forgot that we don't revert to babies when we are sick lol

Jennifer said...

Ahahahahaha, Ireeeeene, I love this! But here's my problem... more than half these things apply to me too. That's just not right.

Irene said...

justawriter: Glad you enjoyed. Hope to see you again here soon! :)

my4kids: So of course, my question is...how DO you inflate a tire?


Em Dy: "And men can get away with not giving gifts. Other people would actually be surprised that they shopped for Christmas gifts."

With one exception: My husband can NEVER get away with NOT giving ME a gift.


Thanks for visiting my blog. Feel welcome here. =)

PlusUltra: I really didn't do much...just reposted a brilliantly funny email that was spammed to me. ;p

Slaghammer: "Women are always right, men are always wrong."

That alone counts for A LOT, doesn't it? :p

Ciara: Oh, but I do sometimes revert to being a baby when I'm sick. Haha! ;p

Jennigirl: Not the part about wearing NO shirt to the waterpark, I hope. That will drive E.T. absolutely bonkers.


Scott from Oregon said...

I am afrasid to invite an aging woman into my life because of the complications they will bring.

I don't want to hear someone complaining all the time about getting old.

Or spend a fortune on wrinkle cream for someone else's vanity...

I do my nails with a Swiss army knife, to be sure...

ciara said...

irene-no, no...it's that women are always right and we only let men THINK they're right. gotta fluff up the ego for whatever reason lol

Amalendu said...

Lovely...and the fact is that they don't know about all these, somebody tells them and they feel happy...happy anyways...

minijonb said...

i kinda have to disagree with this thesis. but maybe i should stop trying to be a mopey hipster with the back of his hand stapled to his forehead.