Pick-Up and Go

To this day, I truly cannot recall the incident without cringing. I was a freshman at college and school had just started. I was in the library frenetically cramming a paper due in the next hour when a guy I recognized from my Philosophy class casually slipped into the cubicle next to mine. We were never formally introduced before then, so I did not say anything. He threw me a friendly smile and so I simply smiled back. Just as I was about to resume work on my essay, he confidently proclaimed: “Your father must be a thief.” Taken aback, I muttered: "Huh?” He gazed straight at me and declared in all seriousness: “He stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.” I almost choked. Before I could run for cover, he brazenly continued: “And you must be a thief too….because you stole my heart.” Holy jeepers! I actually felt my insides squirm. Was he for real??? I hurriedly stuffed my unfinished paper in my bag and hightailed it out of there.

Eventually, the guy became a friend. But, of course, he still has not heard the end of it from me regarding that singularly unforgettable library encounter. In fact, in honor of and inspired by such awesome boldness, I have compiled a list of the cheesiest, most groan-inducing pick-up lines I have ever come across.

Men, use at your own risk. Women, do not bother to take the risk….RUN!

Here it goes:

Can I borrow fifty cents? I told my mother I would call her when I fell in love with the girl of my dreams.

Do you have a map? I just keep getting lost in your eyes.

Excuse me, but I think I dropped something…MY JAW!

Someone call the police because it’s gotta be illegal to look that good!

Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?

Hershey’s makes millions of kisses a day.... all I'm asking for is one.

How was heaven when you left it?

I didn’t know that angels could fly so low.

What time do you have to be back in heaven?

Can I see the tag on your shirt? I want to see if it says made in heaven.

Would you touch me please so I can tell my friends that I've been touched by an angel?

Remind me to tell God congratulations. He finally got it right.

I play the field, and it looks like I just hit a home run with you.

Do you need a light? Because I think I’ve found the perfect match.

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.

If you were a tear in my eye, I would not cry for fear of losing you.

Is there an airport nearby or is that just my heart taking off?

You know, you might be asked to leave this place soon. You’re making the other women look really bad.

Your name must be Mickey because you’re so fine.

You’re pretty good-looking. Any chance you have a personality?

Is your father an alien? Because there's nothing else like you on earth.

Is your dad a baker? Because you've got a nice set of buns!

Is your father a farmer? Because you sure have great melons!

Your parents must be beavers…because DAM!

Your legs must be tired…because you've been running through my mind all night.

I lost my phone number. Could I borrow yours?

Excuse me, could you give me directions to your heart?

Is your dad a terrorist? Because you're the bomb!

You must be a broom...because you just swept me off my feet.

You must be a ticket...because you have fine written all over you.

You're like a dictionary...you add meaning to my life.

Are you religious? Because you are the answer to all my prayers.

Do you have a band-aid? Because I just scraped my knee falling for you.

Well, here I am. What were your other two wishes?

Mind if I call you Destiny?

I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your bed rock.

I like that shirt. Is it felt? No. Would you like it to be?

Do you work for UPS? I could have sworn I saw you checking out my package.

If I told you that you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?

You have really beautiful legs. What time do they open?

That dress looks really nice on you. But how can I talk you out of it?

You’ve been a bad girl.…go to my room!

I’ve heard that sex is a killer. Do you want to die happy?

Stand still so I can pick you up.

Pardon me, but what pick up line works best with you?

Do you mind if I end this sentence in a proposition?

Valentine's In June

I’ll let you in on a dirty little secret. At times, I can be pathetically, embarrassingly schmaltzy. This ignominious trait manifests itself by the fact that I love watching sappy romantic movies over and over again (to my husband’s consternation). Mostly, it is the lines that get me. Ingeniously written and marvelously uttered prose teeming with unadulterated feeling that grab me in the gut and silently simmer within, only to pop up unexpectedly every now and then when I encounter a life situation in which their truth brilliantly applies (see previous blog entry entitled “Friendship on Fire” for reference).

To the mush-averse, be forewarned! This is not for the weak of heart. Literally.

Here are some of my all-time favorite cinematic dialogues that speak – nay, shriek – of love, so much so that we might all feel a spark of Valentine’s this dreary month of June:

The Accidental Tourist

I'm beginning to think that maybe it's not just how much you love someone. Maybe what matters is who you are when you're with them.

Fools Rush In

You are what I never knew I always wanted.

Captain Corelli's Mandolin

When you fall in love, it is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake, and then it subsides. And when it subsides, you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots are become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are.

Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.

Crazy/Beautiful

You can be anywhere when your life begins. You meet the right person and anything is possible.

Good Will Hunting

Sometimes I wish I had never met you. Because then I could go to sleep at night not knowing there was someone like you out there.

Hope Floats

Dancing is just a conversation between two people. Talk to me.

Shakespeare In Love

I will have poetry in my life. And adventure. And love. Love above all. No...not the artful postures of love, not playful and poetical games of love for the amusement of an evening. but love that...overthrows life. Unbiddable, ungovernable, like a riot in the heart, and nothing to be done, come ruin or rapture.

A Walk In The Clouds

Newlyweds. What else do they do but make love and war?

Sixteen Candles

That's why they call them crushes. If they were easy, they'd call them something else.

When Harry Met Sally

I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.

Alex & Emma

Some things are not meant to last, they just take a place in your heart and make you smarter the next time.

A Beautiful Mind

Perhaps it is good to have a beautiful mind, but an even greater gift is to discover a beautiful heart.

The Notebook

I am nothing special; just a common man with common thoughts, and I've led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me, and my name will soon be forgotten. But in one respect I have succeeded as gloriously as anyone who's ever lived: I've loved another with all my heart and soul and to me, this has always been enough.

The Wedding Date

I think I'd miss you even if I never met you.

I would rather fight with you than make love to anyone else.

Forces of Nature

Marriage has less beauty but more safety than a single life; it’s full of sorrows and full of joys. It lies under more burdens, but it is supported by all the strengths of love, and those burdens are delightful.

I always thought that there was this one perfect person for everybody in the world, you know, and when you found that person the rest of the world kind of magically faded away, and, you know, the two of you would just be inside this kind of protective bubble, but there is no bubble, I mean if there is you have to make it, I just think life is more than a series of moments, you know, we can make choices, and we can choose to protect the people we love, and that's what makes us who we are and those are the real memories.

Paycheck

Some of the best things in life are total mistakes.

Someone Like You

There is nothing sadder in this life than to watch someone you love walk away after they have left you. To watch the distance between your two bodies expand until there is nothing left but empty space... and silence.

The Cooler

You look in the mirror and you don't like what you see? Don't believe it. Look into my eyes; I'm the only mirror you'll ever need.

Shall We Dance?

We need a witness to our lives. There's a billion people on the planet..... I mean, what does any one life mean? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything. The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things..... all of it, all the time, every day. You're saying “Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go unwitnessed because I will be your witness.”

A Walk To Remember

What is a friend? A friend is two people sharing one soul.

Indecent Proposal

The things that people in love do to each other they remember, and if they stay together it's not because they forget, it's because they forgive.

Steel Magnolias

I would rather have three minutes of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special.

Love Actually

Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinion's starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don't see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often it's not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it's always there - fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge - they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I've got a sneaky feeling you'll find that love actually is all around.

Awwwwwww. And with that, our Valentine's in June must come to THE END.